by Hindu Araya Samaj
Dear Young Hindus in Nepal, India and around the world,
Please be informed that you should be very careful about marriage. Try to avoid marrying people who are already divorced because all surveys around the world have proven that second marriage ends up in divorce much more than the first marriage. Below are detail articles that warn on second marriage.
Be careful of Muslims who marry 5 times. Be carful of Christians who convert you to a nailed God. All the best young Hindus. All the best on marriage.
Divorce Myth: Because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages.
Fact: Although many people who divorce have successful subsequent marriages, the divorce rate of remarriages is in fact higher than that of first marriages.
From the web:
Statistics indicate that 50% of all first marriages fail but are you aware the divorce rates of second marriages are estimated to be over 70%? Maybe this explains why many people end up married three and four times before they find that person to grow old and live with until, "death do we part".
There are many reason why a second marriage has a bigger risk of failure then the first. Often, divorced people remarry quickly and find themselves living with the rebound or transitional person. Sometimes, the second marriage was entered into for emotional or security reasons following a divorce. Many times during a second divorce a person will admit they remarried for the wrong reasons, or too quickly. It could be like riding a bike--once you know how to get a divorce you may never forget.
Some divorced people rush into a second marriage because they are not equipped to live life in solitude or they feel they are incomplete without a mate. My ex-husband remarried a week after our divorce was final stating that he could not live without a woman to share his life with. My mother remarried quickly because she was not able to accept her role as a single woman alone after 25 years of marriage.
When there are children involved a second marriage is far more stressful then the first. Parents have to balance what is right for their children while building a relationship with their new spouse. Loyalties and interferences from the ex spouse can add dynamics a first marriage never encounters. Child support obligations can affect a second marriage financially and add another dynamic for dispute.
The best advice I had following my failed 14-year marriage was to give myself time before dating again. During my divorce, I found a counselor to help me sort my feelings out and make better choices for my future. I was advised to wait at least two months for each year of my divorced relationship, to allow myself to heal and think clearly. By the time my waiting period passed, I found I was over the majority of the pain and guilt I felt for having a failed marriage. Of course, I had a series of dates with men who could be classified as the rebound relationship but I was more emotionally able to recognize when a relationship was flawed.
The second marriage does not have to be another divorce for someone who is able to take time and find happiness as a single person. Focusing on making your own life stable and finding out what your personal priorities are can be the key to being a whole person when you do re-enter the dating scene. Understanding who you are and what it was that caused a first marriage to fail will make you a better spouse the second time around and will also allow you to choose better in the future.
From the web: http://marriage.families.com/blog/marriage-after-divorce
The Second Marriage Divorce Rate:
Is It Possible to Beat the
Odds and Make Your Second
Marriage a Success?
It’s been proven that the second marriage divorce rate is statistically higher than that of first marriages because of a few simple, yet critical mistakes that many people make when they enter their second marriage.
Psychology Today stated that “a whopping 60% of second marriages fail. And they do so even more quickly after an average of 10 years; 37% of second marriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.”
If anything can be learned from the second marriage divorce rate, it is the fact that you need to enter a second marriage with CAUTION. Here are some tips that will help you beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make your second marriage a success:
1. Make Sure You REALLY Know Who You’re Marrying.
Be sure that YOUR beliefs are in line with your spouse’s. And I’m not only talking about religion here. I’m also talking about your partner’s beliefs about making and saving money, disciplining children, daily love & affection, sex, household chores and even social beliefs.
It is opposite beliefs on subjects like these that will quickly put your relationship on the fast track to divorce.
In your hunger to find new love, you may be tempted to idealize life with your fiancée and ignore the discussion of opposite beliefs.
But let me warn you, if you do this, there's a good chance you'll end up becoming another statistic in the rising second marriage divorce rate.
Don’t make the same mistakes you did in your first marriage. Discuss these issues NOW. Don’t wait just because you don’t want to “spoil the mood.”
2. Create a Check List of Issues that Led to Your Last Divorce
Another way to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate is to write down every little thing you and your ex fought about throughout your marriage. Did you struggle with jealousy issues even though your spouse gave you no reason to be suspicious?
Did you and your ex struggle with money problems in your marriage? Make a list of all the issues that contributed to your last divorce and see whether or not those issues could spring up again in your second marriage.
Type out the list and use it as a way to discuss your beliefs about each of the issues and how you think that subject should be handled in your second marriage. Be sure to include issues that are not typical like landscape maintenance, vacations and work ethic.
Those may seem like insignificant issues right now, but it is better to get everything out into the open BEFORE you are married...than to be sorry you didn't later on when your second marriage becomes another statistic in the rising second marriage divorce rate.
3. Don’t Rush Into your Second Marriage Because You’re Blinded By “Love”.
Research shows that the second marriage divorce rate greatly increases if you’ve been in a relationship with a person for less than a year. Don’t think this research does not apply to you. As difficult as it may be to accept, these ARE the facts.
It has also been proven that both men and women want to be married and connected regardless of the misery they suffered in their last marriage. Loneliness can drive anyone to seek relief in their second marriage and few people are thinking straight when they remarry too quickly.
The burning desire to “not be lonely” creates such a hunger that rational thought becomes an irritating nuisance.
Though you may not want to hear it now, romance is a very powerful “drug”. It will keep you in a trance like state right up until the moment you say I do…for the second time.
And once you’re married, you’ll notice that the romance you once felt gradually gets replaced with the predictability of married life.
So just remember, if you want to beat the second marriage divorce rate, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that the romance in your relationship will continue to last forever.
Romance is just not practical in marriage due to busy schedules, children and the monotony of daily life. At the very least, remember to keep a clear head during the pre-marriage time spent with your partner.
4. Honestly Look at What Caused Your Last Divorce.
To beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate, you MUST start to be honest with yourself. Understand that it was NOT just one issue or one person that “caused” your last divorce.
It’s true. There is not ONE person that causes a divorce.
Instead, it is the clash of two OPPOSITE value systems that drives people to divorce. Two opposite “value” or belief systems can cause a variety of problems in a marriage like:
Lack of intimacy
Confusing and unclear communication
Not enough quality time due to busy schedules
Unsolvable children issues
Inability to find the real source of conflict
It's important to find out which issues caused conflict in your last marriage so you can openly discuss them with your partner.
AND JUST A FAIR WARNING: Do NOT get carried away with the painful details of your last marriage. The conversation with your partner should NOT be about bashing your ex husband or wife, but instead about eliminating potential conflicts in your second marriage.
There is no need to discuss ALL the details of your last marriage...just your viewpoint on your values in life. (i.e. money management, religion, family values, etc.)
5. CLEARLY Understand Your Expectations Of Each Other.
It is important to go into a second marriage with a clear understanding of what your needs are. Men and women’s expectations surprisingly are different, so be sure to talk openly and honestly about these needs BEFORE you get married the second time around.
(If you're already married, discuss them as soon as possible.)
For instance, if you need one night out of the week to be with your friends just to break up the “routine” of things, let your partner know this BEFORE you are married. It is this kind of open communication that leads to successful second marriages.
If you REALLY want to beat the odds of the second marriage divorce rate and make this time around a success, you MUST understand the CRITICAL role that your and your spouse's belief systems take on in a marriage.
Once you do, when conflicts emerge in your second marriage, you’ll be able to resolve them quickly and effectively, with no hard feelings on either side.
If you'd like to gain some insight on what has happened to bring your marriage to the point it is at right now, submit your story through my Second Chance program and get a LIVE, 30 minute phone consultation. I'll help you understand what you can do right now to restore your original love.
---> You can submit your Second Chance story here.
Whether you're married or not, this no-strings-attached 30 minute consultation will help you discover not only what will make your second marriage a success, but also what made your first marriage fail.
I hope to speak with you soon!
From the web:
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